Carte Blanche
by Bacalao
Summary: Repost - A possible interpretation of what was meant to be! Or to come?


Disclaimer, nothing you recognize from TGW belongs to me, and no money will be made from this.

Well when I started to write this it was supposed to be a one shot, in a way it still is. I read some really good things about Alicia at the end of the season and I hope this will not be the bad addition to those other stories.

Again another repost, as I said they will come back on one by one.

Also again thanks for tish24 and all her hard work as a beta!

Carte Blanche

They say the eyes are the windows to the soul. Looking into an actual window in what had been the soul of her family for longer than decade was comforting and disturbing at the same time.

He was sitting on the couch in his apartment. For once the TV was silent and he was absently playing notes on the guitar he had in his lap. The sun was already settling in and as the shadows in his apartment grew longer, it made him aware that he had been sitting there for quite some time, mulling over today's events.

Tomorrow, that was what Diane had said, tomorrow they would try to win their client back, no they had to win him back. At least this was not a legal consult so he could play an essential role in this. What if they would not make it? Things are falling apart. Hadn't he said that to Kalinda. "You build them up again," had been her confident response. Did he have the power to make it right again? It felt like a tsunami but it looked like a harmless wave and under the water there was a unstoppable force and when it hits the shore, massive destruction was inevitable.

Maybe his sister had been right in suggesting he should get another job, sell his part of the firm and leave. Start over. Maybe not another job but a small office in a different town, where nobody knew him. It sounded tempting.

Could he leave Diane? They had formed a deep bond of friendship over the years based on loyalty and trust. She was really good at what she was doing. She could do it on her own with a new partner, one who would smooth the waves and not rise the tide any time things were calm.

Did he need all this? He looked around. He liked his apartment and so did she…

Not again, he needed to put some space between them. Callie had been a great distraction but it also clear to him that it was not what he wanted for the rest of his life. She was so much like him, a messed up addict. Was he an addict? Maybe but on what? Work? Will had been forced to give it up at least partly and here he was still alive and kicking. Maybe not so much kicking but still alive.

Gambling? He still liked a good pay but the last time with Celeste had told him the real thrill was gone.

"Because they are separated…"

"…it is now in the record…" Diane's voice came back to him again and again.

But he still could hear her also yelling at him, "Stop sleeping with his wife!"

He had been very angry that day and his hand had hurt for days but he had no intention to follow her orders back then, he had wanted it to work.

But he hated to admit it, Diane had been right. She saw the rain long before the clouds appeared.

It had been bad before but to have and just losing it was so much worse.

Did he still think he had ended it? "It" had sounded so cheap, like something to be ashamed of saying aloud. Well, hadn't it been exactly that? Something she was ashamed of?

He had tried over and over to get her out of this corner, out of the hotel rooms.

When he finally had her here in his apartment he thought they were making some progress, but one day later Grace went missing and when he arrived at her apartment she was back and so was Peter. Later she came in and told him it was too much.

For him it had never been enough, another case of very bad timing.

How would have things played out if he had had the guts to tell her the truth about the second message he had left her? But when she asked, he had been able to build a wall around his heart and he did not want to remember the first days after he left her the message. It never occurred to him that she may never have gotten it.

But his pride had been so wounded by then that he only could push her away.

Separated.

What did this mean and did it mean anything? To Peter? To Alicia? To him?

She had been separated when they started to see each other so was this different?

Peter had announced it openly. Why? Just because it was the truth? Well he would for sure not lie about that because there was nothing to gain.

The elevator ride had been more than awkward. He had no idea how much Peter knew or how much he suspected. Peter had seemed calm and confident while he felt like chanceless nerd hopeless in love, the prom queen at the side of the star quarterback. Like the first time he saw him when he came to pick Alicia up for the summer. It had been a warm day and he had just come back from a pick-up game of basketball with his friends all sweaty and dirty. He stood there in his dark suit, a tie around his neck and an aura of power around him. She wore a white dress, a sharp contrast to his dark suit. "Bye Will," he could still hear her. It sounded so similar to her "Night Will" from today that he could not say if the hurt he was feeling now was from then or fresh from today.

Eli's panic seeing the three of them so close together nearly made it up for the elevator ride. When they had left the elevator and she had made it clear she had been waiting for Peter but he had not been able to bring himself to leave. They had both stepped into her personal space, one on each side. Eli, who was excellent in reading people, noticed this territorial behavior the moment he saw them and from the look Kalinda shot them she did as well.

Kalinda, was running again. Like the first time he met her. Maybe he should invite her to come to his new small office in a new small town. Well it would contradict him to bring somebody from his life now. But Kalinda would for sure not be Kalinda anymore. Whatever her name would be, she would be still Alicia's friend, even if they didn't have any contact with each other anymore, he would know about it and be reminded daily.

When she had been with Peter in her office he had watched, just to make sure. Make sure of what?

Separated.

Another accord, the long shadows had vanished and merged into dark corners, the street lights where already on and he noticed that he left the lights on in his bedroom so a small stream of light found its way into the dark room he was sitting in.

Could he do something? Should he do something?

After he had left the office he had been lucky to see Alicia leaving, so hurried to catch the same cabin. He wanted to talk with her but conversation was far from what he really wanted to ask.

What had he wanted to ask her? If it was true that she and Peter where no longer together? This would have been stupid because he had already argued with himself that they had not been together for quite some time. But it felt different and the urge to ask was still there.

Had she been with Peter after things had been over? No, she had ended them but it felt far from over. So had she gone back to him?

Like Callie to see if it was possible to simply go on? Had she moved on?

God, he was going crazy in here. How would she react if he called her? He wanted to hear her voice now but what reason could he give her?

'Tell her in person'. He had not done this the first time and he had regretted it ever since he found out about his second message. Would it have truly changed anything? Would she have called back? How would she have reacted if he had showed up at that press conference?

She had asked him for a plan. He still did not have one other than simply loving her.

But was that enough for her? He never even wanted to hear it. Every time he told her or even tried to tell her, she became more distant.

There was a simple explanation for all of this. He had tried to show her how he felt and tried to make her trust him but he felt she was as scared as he was so he had shown more bravery than he felt.

But when the most simple answer was the right one, she did not feel the same way he did. She simply did not love him.

Separated

Why had Diane pronounced it so clearly twice? Or did he imagine this as well? Maybe not. Maybe she wanted to tell him something.

Diana had said tomorrow and they would talk about the firm.

Separated.

What if that was today? He carefully placed the guitar next to him and stood up. Slowly not to bump into anything, he made his way to the single internal light source in his apartment at that moment, his bedroom.

Walking inside, he opened his dresser and took out a pair of fresh jeans and a t-Shirt. He changed as quickly as possible before he could think it to death and lose his nerve.

On his way out, he grabbed his leather jacket and his keys.

'Tell her in person' he had every intention to do so, damn the consequences. For all he knew even Diane had given him a carte blanche to do so and he had every intention to use it.

END

I still would like to hear what you think about the story!


End file.
